Monday, November 5, 2012

More Than Words

In the interest of full disclosure, this blog will contain profanity.

"Fuck" is a great and versatile word. Seen here:

Fuck is not so great and versatile a word from a six year-old. So that being said, our house has been infused and inundated with the word "fuck". We're not sure where he picked it up, but he's got it. He's learned that it gets a great reaction... especially at school. It has become deeply troubling and embarrassing to us as parents. Now we are those parents. We've got that kid. This started about a week and a half ago, and is fading out (thankfully), because we simply ignore it now. No reaction at home drives the boy crazy. I wish we had tried that at first rather than drawing so much attention to it the first few days thinking punishment, guilt, or misunderstanding would help. 

So here's the anecdote that will make you laugh, warm your heart, and appall you at the same time.

On Thursday morning, the day after Halloween, Jack decided it was a great idea to strike up a conversation with one of his classmates about the amount of candy he received. Back and forth conversations not guided by an adult are rare, but do happen once in a while. "Sally" is a sweet girl that has always taken a liking to Jack. She's one of those "what can I do to help?" six year-old girls that every class has. Thank Heaven for little girls indeed. As an added bonus, she's the only blonde in his class. Daddy approves. Sorry, Baby Love (There are no red-heads in his class like his mama).

I digress. During this wonderful interaction about the candy another little boy walked right into the conversation and hit Sally. Yep. Socked her right in the face (this is a Gen Ed class, full inclusion contains some awesome characters, doesn't it?). Sally started to cry and the aide instantly dealt with the little boy. So, as Sally is crying, Jack, my boy, asked her why she was crying. 

"Johnny hit me"
"Are you sad?" he asked. Hooray! My son recognized an emotion in another!
"Yes" Jack placed a hand on her shoulder, sweetly. Yes! Joint attention and empathy!
"You want me to fuck him up?"

Yep. That's what he said. She tearfully shook her head "no". 

I don't think Jack knows what "fuck him up" means. I think he's scripting, but not sure. 

But I do know he recognized emotion in a classmate, I do know he felt empathetic, and I do know he problem-solved. Take the word "fuck" out of the equation and it was the greatest conversation he's ever had. Guess what? I was silently proud. Yep. I was. 

We're working to get rid of the word. We're also working to get that level of connection to a friend.

I told my wife and she thought the story was appalling, yet funny. She said she was also proud of our chivalrous son in a strange way. I don't recall Malory or De Troyes writing about Lancelot offering to fuck up Modred for the love of Guinevere in their tales of courtly love, but I get the connection.

It is absolutely inappropriate for a six year-old to drop the f-bomb at school. 

But this was his reward the next day:

The entire way home.

And nobody had to get "fucked" up on the way.


  1. I absolutely LOVE this on so many levels. Jack, I'm SO proud of you, even if you need to work on your choice of words, buddy :)

  2. He totally gets it :) Good man!

  3. I'm sorry. I laughed so hard, people came into my office to ask me what I was laughing about. probably why I'm not a parent.

  4. Your son is brilliant & amazing & a beautiful soul. ❤As a past-life behavioural therapist I'm stricken with glee over this moment of affection, empathy and relating to another human being so passionately!!! ❤

  5. We never thought our Jack would have language.
    He does now......He is pretty severe and we are working EVERY day on communication skills.
    He IS, however a pretty great mimic.
    And he loves the sound and feel of some words.
    And............... F*&K is one of them.
    He has nothing attached to it, so its hard to divert him.
    And if truth is being told.....we all kind of giggle when it happens.
    But good on YOUR jack for getting it.

  6. Awesome story. Thanks for sharing this! -Manyee

  7. ROFLMAO! Our 12 yr old ASD son is saying the same word. Over & over & over again! He hasn't yet ventured into saying outside the house though. Oh, can't wait for that day! Love your blog! Nice to know we're not alone in these battles!

  8. Ha! awesome... Both our NT-ish 2 year old daughter and our 5 year old ASD son decided to become obsessed with the phrase, "bountiful penis". Went down a treat when shopping, although it did make it easy to figure out who amongst our fellow shoppers had seen the Simpsons movie and who hadn't.

    Thankfully these things rarely last more than a week for us.

  9. This is the best Aspergers story EVER!

  10. I'M proud of Jack! Ok, so the f-bomb wasn't the best choice of words, but....yeah, I think he's rock star anyway!

  11. Ahahha! I swear like a sailor and around my kids. My 9 year old is mortified by curse words. My five year old is slowly learning to use them appropriately. I gotta say, that was very close to exactly the right context if they hadn't been six. Only more appropriate thing I could think of is asking Sally if she wants to do it herself first.

  12. Love love love this story - heartfelt, funny and so true! Thanks for sharing :)

  13. LOVE IT ! WAY TO GO JACK ! I'M LAUGHING AND CRYING !! He gets the sad , I'm Hurt, and that he should help !! Awesome !! My oldest is grown and moved out, my youngest 15 (ASD) is in High School , you haven't heard anything yet !! Wait till they put it in a sentence with other inappropriate words !! there was a3 week stent where I was scared to leave the house with him, didn't know what would come out next !! :)

  14. Fuck, I like that kid so fucking much!